So, I'm in a new place. For two weeks now. Well, in the beginning it was fine. I liked it, it was new. But now i'm going back to the depression state, and i don't know how to stop it. I don't wanna get back to what was happenning last year. I really don't want it to get there. I won't give up easily this time, at least i'll try.
But... I can't find a way to prevent it for happenning. Sometimes I get scared of what might happen, that something bad will happen, and at the same time i don't have a specific idea of what it is. I go through a day in a numb state, i don't feel anything from the moment i wake up, it's automatic, i've been doing this since what? 7th grade maybe, if no earlier. And now, 6 years later it went too far, and now there's no way i get out of it. And sometimes the decision comes too close, plus the solution is always right next to me, every minute og the day. And there are times when i'm so sure that i'm gonna do it eventually.
I don't know if i want to do it. And cutting doesn't help. And there's no one to help.
For the next week, till next Wendsday i won't answer a single phone call, besides tomorrow's about the meeting. I don't want to hear anyone. I don't wanna talk to anyone. I'm tired of faking emotions, faking my whole being through the days. I don't wanna do it anymore. I wanna just drown. Just go to sleep and that's it. FUCK IT.
But... I can't find a way to prevent it for happenning. Sometimes I get scared of what might happen, that something bad will happen, and at the same time i don't have a specific idea of what it is. I go through a day in a numb state, i don't feel anything from the moment i wake up, it's automatic, i've been doing this since what? 7th grade maybe, if no earlier. And now, 6 years later it went too far, and now there's no way i get out of it. And sometimes the decision comes too close, plus the solution is always right next to me, every minute og the day. And there are times when i'm so sure that i'm gonna do it eventually.
I don't know if i want to do it. And cutting doesn't help. And there's no one to help.
For the next week, till next Wendsday i won't answer a single phone call, besides tomorrow's about the meeting. I don't want to hear anyone. I don't wanna talk to anyone. I'm tired of faking emotions, faking my whole being through the days. I don't wanna do it anymore. I wanna just drown. Just go to sleep and that's it. FUCK IT.