i want to write (no matter what poetry or novel)
i want to learn how to play guitar (very well)
i want to learn how to draw.
but i got no makings for any of these activities.
i can do nothing.
although i understand that if i work on that i can do well in one of those things.
i'd prefer music.
i love music.
and i angry with them for not let me go to music school.'
Music is the only thing that keeps me here. If it wasn't for Music i'd be gone a year and a half ago.
Two years ago i was seriously thinking of ending all of this. I gave myself 6 month to think. if i don't change my mind, my attitude, if thing don't change i will do it. That's what i said myself two years ago.
And now, writing this it feels really scary. Am i really was so sick os everything back then?
Now i have no purpose for any kind of activity, including studying. I still don't have goal in life. i have no interest in anything whatsoever. But now i am pretty sure i will never end this myself. i just can't. I'm too scared of the fact that there is actually absolutely nothing after this. How anyone can be sure?
I'm scared that this is my only chance.
I know life is amazing thing, the most valuable gift of all. But why am i so numb to it, to anything in this world except music.
i want nothing, I need nothing.
And I've been in this state for as long as i can remember myself. And everything got worse a bit more then three years ago. And i'm not recovering. At all.
I don't know what to do.
I won't ask for help.
I don't know how far it all will go.
And I perfectly understand that it's not the worst that may happen.
But I can't help myself.
i want to learn how to play guitar (very well)
i want to learn how to draw.
but i got no makings for any of these activities.
i can do nothing.
although i understand that if i work on that i can do well in one of those things.
i'd prefer music.
i love music.
and i angry with them for not let me go to music school.'
Music is the only thing that keeps me here. If it wasn't for Music i'd be gone a year and a half ago.
Two years ago i was seriously thinking of ending all of this. I gave myself 6 month to think. if i don't change my mind, my attitude, if thing don't change i will do it. That's what i said myself two years ago.
And now, writing this it feels really scary. Am i really was so sick os everything back then?
Now i have no purpose for any kind of activity, including studying. I still don't have goal in life. i have no interest in anything whatsoever. But now i am pretty sure i will never end this myself. i just can't. I'm too scared of the fact that there is actually absolutely nothing after this. How anyone can be sure?
I'm scared that this is my only chance.
I know life is amazing thing, the most valuable gift of all. But why am i so numb to it, to anything in this world except music.
i want nothing, I need nothing.
And I've been in this state for as long as i can remember myself. And everything got worse a bit more then three years ago. And i'm not recovering. At all.
I don't know what to do.
I won't ask for help.
I don't know how far it all will go.
And I perfectly understand that it's not the worst that may happen.
But I can't help myself.