i got this urgent feeling to leave this place, to leave this constant stress and worrying behind. I'm not sure that if i leave here, i'd feel better, maybe i'm just scared.
there's a lot moreBut here's a thing, i read so much about doing what you like, choosing profession that you'd not hate, and what am i doing here, absolutely opposite. They all scared that i would Fail and be a dissapointment for them, but for me most important thing is not to disappoint myself.
Maybe it's a right thing to do, i have no idea, maybe i'm making a mistake here.
But what happens when you follow someone else directions and 'advice'? you feel miserable about wasting your time on something they wanted you to be, instead of becoming the youself you want to be. That was actually my biggest fear during last 3 years, i was scared that i'll spend my life doing something those 2 particular people wanted me to do, it was their dreams, it was their hopes, and it's nothing to do with me. So why am i struggling now, why? Why don't i finally do what i think is right for me, maybe i'm completely wrong, maybe that is the biggest mistake of my life, but it's my life, i am responsible for the way it will turn out, me and only me will suffer from mistake i'll have made. Why am i that way?
I'm not saying i give up on higher education, i am certainly not, my brain will not cope with that, it's longing for knowledge, but only in the area of its interests, and economisc is certainly is not one of them.
I'm not sure if this is right, but i want to do it.