[Julie_AV]

i don't know what'a going on, i don't know what's going to happen today. But anyway i should find a way out, i'm not the only one in this situation.
I need to clear my head, i need to realize what i want to do with my life, where i want to be, and what i actually need from this world.
Maybe this feeling is just a result of my laziness and disability to work hard, well it's not disability, i'm just not willing to do so.
I want to find something that i would feel passionate about, sommething that will occupy my time and i will love to do this, no matter how hard it is, i know i can do this, i just can't find that 'something' and i honestly have no idea where to look for it.
I don't want to fail, i want to do something that i would feel good about. But this always felt like it not 'mine' i can't help it i tried, probably not hard enough, there's a good chance that i will regret about giving up this time, well when did i not give up.
That's my problem: i am not willing to do what i am forced to do. That's how simple that is. To succed in something i must want to do it. If i'm not, i will do everything half my actual potential. For example, the studying, i got C's mostly because i do everything just so it would be done, no trying to do as good as possible, but just do it.

i was thinking about taking a year off, before entering a uni, so i would get to know myself better, so i would understand where i want my life to go.
But this was a good experience, i learnt a lot, maybe not all the subjects that i needed, but about the world in general, i have a great deal of things left to learn.
and i lost the feeling that i won't live long, i just don't feel anything about what's going to happen. But it's still not gonna be a long life.

@темы: blog