just now, just this very moment i perfectly understood, what an incredible i was given in i got to this university, and got in the same place with him. And now i can lose it so easely, it's so awful. Just little mistake led to those consequences, i may lose a great xhance for a good life so easily, it's .. I can't believe i let this happen.
I've been locked up in my head for so long, missing out on everything in real life, i've never lived for those 18 years, not a day, always hiding from everything. My life is empty, and i can partly, well not acually partly, perfectly relate to 'Because of you' by Kelly, i am demage, i am broken, i am abnormal, not in a good way. And i don't know what to do. Why am i falling for him? If i would not feel this, everything would have been so much easier, or maybe not, maybe that is for gets me going, keep me from absolutely given up. I wish i never knew him, i wish that would never happenned, it'd be better for both of us, honestly, there will be nothing good about it. It will never be.